I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
