Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize