omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
