oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize