forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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