please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
