it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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