Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
