I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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