you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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