turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
