so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
