I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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