Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
