drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am available for nakedness
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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