I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
