i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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