He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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