What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
