I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
