I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
