If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your cock deserves a montage
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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