remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
