she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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