Don't you send me to vm
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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