no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
