look no pants
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
