u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
