as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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