Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
