I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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