Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize