her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
