She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize