my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This is the high leading the old right now
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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