when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
