All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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