I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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