I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
