Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
