Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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