There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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