so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
