he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
