He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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