Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize