I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
