I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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