Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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