Slut skills are useful in every country.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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