Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
