Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
