Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
