Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
my liver is dry heaving
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
