my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
