yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
