I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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