He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
