Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
