If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
