A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
