he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
