he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize