I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
