You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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