Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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