I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
