It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
